naked for art

painting by Marcia Whitlock

My girl Marcia has been painting again. This gives me a huge amount of pleasure-- in fact, whenever she creates anything I get a surge of satisfaction as if I'd made it myself (which is cheating, I know.) On my way through Nevada City I got to see her newest series-- a dozen or so new paintings. I am the model for some of them, which feels a bit vulnerable, because often they're not about me at all-- it's my face or body saying something for the sake of art. Or, even more difficult to take is when actually it is about me, but a part of myself that's hard to look at (physically or emotionally.) And often what Marcia is talking about in her paintings is not about prettiness or gentleness-- it's more often strength or rebellion. I've got to remind myself I do this with my friends, too. In stories, everyone I know is fodder for the psychic composite. And of course we're both interested telling the truth in some interesting way in our art.

Nevertheless, it's hard to be objective about the ones I'm the model for. When I saw this one, for example, I said, "Oh, Jesus! I would not want that woman kissing me goodnight." And Marcia was like, "what? I love this one!" The first response I would have had to it if it was of someone else's head, would have been more like, "whoa. that is cool," and then I could have objectively looked at it and tried to figure out what she was saying. As it is I can't help but worry there's some part of me that's a cold insect-eating predator. 

Busted.